Monday, January 23, 2012

When the going gets tough

Friends, I see that more often than not, my blog updates are brief descriptions of how my life is blessed, good, sweet, and rosy. For those of you who don't actually know me, you might think that my life is nothing but sunshine and daisies, no matter what situation I'm in. Well, folks, today I'll share a secret with you: I am human.

No, seriously, I am not perfect and neither is my life. I am not being deceptive, though, when I update my blog with good news and happy tidings, because I am truly blessed. I can honestly say that, even if my life was a wreck, because of God's love for me and my salvation through the gift of His Son, I am blessed, blessed, blessed! And because my God who loves me has been so good to me, my husband, and our family, I gladly report of His work in our lives in order to give Him glory.
     But friends, I am so far from perfect. Aside from the serious things like my sinful human nature that I have to battle daily, I am one lazy, undisciplined bump when it comes to caring for my person. And by "person", I mean health. I'm as vain as the next chic when it comes to looks. I will spend hours making sure my hair and makeup are as close to flawless as possible. But when it comes to fitness, I have long considered it a pipe dream that would be a wonderful, yet impossible achievement for me. There has been one time in my life when I felt close to what I think being in shape feels like. My fitness buddy Aubrey and I worked hard to look our best for the beach a few years back. And then I got pregnant and lost that. Then I got pregnant again, and my goal weight scooted even farther down the scale from where I stand. 
  I tell you all this, readers, not to coerce pity from you, but to share a side of me that I don't brag about on my blog. Yesterday, Aubrey and I went jogging. It was day one of week two of our "couch to 10k" fitness plan, and I was stoked. Not only did I have new shoes, (thanks mom and Melissa), but the weather was warm and I had already completed one week of jogging/walking a mile, so I was certain that two miles would be completely do-able, if not easy. Sad to say, I was wrong. After a 5-minutes warm up walk and three laps of jogging around the track, even with a walking break included in the exercise, I almost threw up, called it quits and went home early, leaving my devoted accountability buddy to finish the jog by herself. I could start listing reason why I wasn't able to finish; The wind was blowing against me, I gave birth three weeks ago, I have a sore throat and I think I'm coming down with something, and so on, but even to my own ears, those sound like excuses. 
    As I told Noah yesterday after returning from my failed run, yesterday was a bad day for Mommy. Besides my miserable jogging experience, Witten was having terrible gas pains (which I have deduced stemmed from my consumption of super cheesy soup the night before) and was being uncommonly fussy, and Noah was also showing signs of an oncoming cold. Add those factors to my feelings of discouragement and disappointment in myself, and I was one glum mom. Those feelings led me to crave cookie dough, a sappy movie, and a warm blanket. I was even nursing the fledgling idea to throw in the towel on the whole thing. If I can't complete two miles, how on earth am I going to do six? 
 I prayed yesterday. The Bible says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. While I do not doubt that, after failures like yesterday, it's hard for me to believe it. But I'm not going to give up. Today, I'm gonna lace up my new running shoes and try again. Tomorrow, even if I fail again today, I'll do it all again. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? God help me, I really want to be healthy. I have children to live for. I have a husband to look good for. I have a goal to reach. Lord, help my claim Your promises. Give me strength, give me perseverance, give me endurance. Please help me, 'cause, as usual, I am helpless without You. 
    And that, friends, is a candid peek into the imperfect side of life that I often choose not to blog about. You're welcome.    

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