Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Let my nerd flag fly

Friends, I just may be about to embarrass myself with this particular post, but if y'all can forgive me for writing a blog dedicated to ranking my favorite Disney princesses, then you should be alright with this one.
First, I'll start with a confession: I'm a tiny bit of a comic book fan. Well, I was one, back in the day. I no longer spend any amount of time perusing the comic book selves or checking out stats of various superheroes online, but there was a time I did those things. I don't know why. May be it was the draw of the stylized visions of human/meta human perfection that I envied and could only find in the pages of a comic. Maybe I just thought that those dudes in the painted on "spandex" suits were hot. Or  maybe it was the idea of heroes actually existing that I would still love to see. Wouldn't that make things like natural disasters and cataclysmic, horrible events so much better if there were superheroes who could swoop in and stop the collapsing buildings or save the trapped innocents?
  Anyways, In honor of finally being able to watch Superman: Man of Steele on DVD in the comfort of my own home (thank you for my new movie, honey!), and having my old superhero fan-girl revived, I decided to waste a nap time buy listing my top 9 personal favorite super heroes in order from least to most favorite. (Also, I'll be sticking to mostly DC comics and not Marvel, 'cause those kooks are too confusing, and I'll be drawing from all medium of entertainment; comics, cartoons, and movies). Let us begin:
Number 9: Aquaman
How is that get up practical for any activity, much less fighting crime?
 People knock Arthur Curry, aka Aquaman, far too often. They ridicule him for a variety of reasons, mainly because his powers are lame and he's only useful close to or in water. However, in modern retelling of his story, Aquaman is actually super cool with very formidable powers. Also, he's one of the very, very, very few comic book heroes who is faithfully married, and considering the wealth of scantily clad crime-fighting women he works with, that's a big feat. Despite his impressive monogamy and improved status in the comic world, he's still only #10 because he's still only super useful in/around water. Lame.

Number 8: Green Arrow
Only in costumed crime fighting could a grown, heterosexual man wear shiny leather and be considered "cool"
 As you will see later on in the line up, I appreciate those heroes whose only abilities are their own strength of body, mind, and character. Oliver Queen is (tell me if this sounds a bit familiar) a billionaire playboy who uses his wealth to equip  himself with a unique and stylized arsenal of weaponry so as to fight crime using a masked alter-ego. (I know, right? Sounds sadly familiar. He even had a secret hideout called the "arrow cave" in the beginning, and I'm not even kidding). However, he, siilar his apparent idol and life model, is out there facing down the bad guys with only his strength, wits, and a bow and arrow. That takes a certain kind of crazy bravery.   

Number 7: Captain America
 'MERICUH! It would be unconstitutional, unpatriotic, and mean of me to not include the all-American hero in this line up. And I really do like the guy. The recent movie, in which Steve Rodgers is well portrayed by Chris Evans, did a good job of capturing what is so darn likable about this guy in the comics: he's an all-around good guy. As American as baseball and apple pie, Captain America might not posses the extreme super-abilities that many of his compatriots do, but he's still an opponent to be reckoned with. And the theme song to his 1960's cartoon is catchy.   

Number 6: Green Lantern
Not the movie. I repeat, not the movie. I mean, good try and all, WB, but I was left sad and lacking, despite your headache-inducing amount of special effects. The story felt rush, full of holes, and wishy-washy.
The comic book  version(s) of the green lantern are mucho gusto. Hal Jordan, the guy pictured above, is a stand up, brave guy who was selected to be the first human on this intergalactic police force-type organization call the Green Lanterns. Why is green such a popular color among super heroes? I don't know. But accordig to the Green Lantern books, green is the color of will, which lanterns utilize to use their rings to create constructs of their minds. You'd really have to dig in to a few GL comics to grasp his character, but I like him, so he's number 6.   

Number 5: The Flash

He doesn't just run fast, he moves fast. He can move so fast that he can vibrate his molecules through solid objects, like walls and armor and stuff. Also, he's the lighthearted, good natured, humorous type of guy that can liven up a dark situation with his quick wit and upbeat attitude. I really got to liking the Flash back when I used to watch the Justice League cartoon. (Strangely, he was perfectly voiced by the same guy that played live-action Lex Luthor on Smallville.) So race on, Scarlet Speedster, you're alright in my book.    

Number 4: The Hulk

The only other Marvel character that I don't like only because of his awesome movie. Bruce Banner's story so so tragic that I just want to hug the guy! And the Hulk is a very unique "hero" in that there aren't a lot of semi-mindless monster-types out there inadvertently doing good while rampaging through cities. ( I say "hero" and semi-mindless because the various writers that have worked with the Hulk's character throughout the years have changed his metal capabilities and his status as hero or anti-hero often.) Overall, I love me a flawed character with good intentions. And Edward Norton was my favorite Bruce Banner. (No offense, Mark Ruffalo. All offense intended, Eric Bana.) 

Number 3: Wonder Woman
Do you know hard it is to find an image of Wonder woman (or any super heroine, for that matter) that is not extremely sexual? I'd like to see a woman fight crime in anything that's not tiny or skin tight.
WONDER WOMAN! WONDER WOMAN! Good for you, Diana Prince, Amazon princes and ambassador to the U.S., you made my list. You're all about truth, justice, and equality. You're a symbol of feminism without being overly obnoxious about it. And without any gimmicks or the use of your feminine whiles, you can hang and fight with the big boys. Heck, your sparring partner is Superman! I like you, Wonder woman. And good for you for finally getting with the man that I have always envisioned as your perfect match. And thank you, CD comics, for making that happen.

Number 2: Superman

This was a close one, it honestly was. I love me some Superman. He's the ultimate, perfect superhero. Everyone knows who he is. He truly is the original superhero. He embodies the perfection that all mankind wishes to be. And even with all the power and might and strength and inhuman abilities that he has, as Kansas-raised Clark Kent, he's as approachable, humble, and considerate a guy you'd ever wish to meet. There is no wrong with this man and somehow, that's totally appealing instead of obnoxious! As far as powers go, I really don't think there's anyone better, DC or Marvel.  Also, I loved his movie, and Henry Cavill is Superman.
 So why is he here instead of at the very top? I'll show you why:

Number 1:
Na-na-na-na-NA-nana na-na-na-na-NA-nana na-na-na-na-NA-nana

I have always enjoyed batman, but it wasn't until Nolan created the greatest trilogy in film history that I truly came to appreciate the awesomeness that is Batman. His story, his drive, his sadness, his passion, his awesome hand-to-hand combat skills, the way he sounds like his vocal chords were severely damaged whenever he's wearing the's just neat to me. No, he's not super-powered, but he smarter, stronger, more skilled and richer than I will ever be, so I can still look up to him. Also, whereas Superman is the perfect good-guy, Batman is the dark anti-hero who thrives on darkness, fear, and the element of surprise. Those two couldn't be any more different, and yet, because both are unquestionably dedicated to justice, they're besties! I look forward with eager anticipation to the next Superman movie, mainly because Batman will be in it (even if Batman is Ben Affleck. I've been surprised before. Again, Mark Ruffalo). All in all, it's the fact that a "mere mortal" can work on par and in league with the likes of Superman, The Flash, and, yes, Aquaman, that has me ranking Bruce Wayne as Numero Uno on my list.

The end. Feel free to tell me what you think the list should look like.

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